See Me! Like Me! Read Me! Or Not.

Yesterday, someone held up a mirror so that I could see how much the energy of ego  still surrounds my writing. Of course, my feelings got hurt, but I have walked in the light long enough to know that growth periods can be painful (they don’t have to be, but often are), and the best way to feel better is to look for the lesson inside the hurt.

And when I looked, what I saw is how much my writing is still wrapped around the need to be seen, to be validated, and even to be liked. It is as if the words go out all wrapped around in See me! Like me! Read me! And behind those pleas there is a big pit of not-seen, not-valued, and perhaps even not-worthy.

Where did this hole come from?  I don’t know, but when I look at it, it seems to stretch far beyond this lifetime. Oh, sure, I was wounded in childhood, as many of us were, but I lived in a safe home with parents who loved me and nurtured me in many ways. They are not responsible for this hole. And yet it is there.

So when I enter the meditation space this morning, I will seek and clear the threads of invalidation and wounding in my space. And they will arise on other days as well, until I have peeled all the layers of the onion, down and down to the final nub of the pain, and when I finally move that, I will be free of this one dynamic.

In the meantime, this space is here for me to practice in. No pressure, no failure, and no shame. It’s all part of the journey, although sometimes knowing that doesn’t satisfy my impatience. And that in and of itself is also probably a lesson. Sigh.

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11 Responses to See Me! Like Me! Read Me! Or Not.

  1. Becca says:

    Alix – I will enjoy and certainly learn from your practicing space … please continue to do so … as it is YOUR space, and your creativity abounds. If you enjoy … then the right people who NEED to see it … will; and the lessons necessary for their path or growth will be available for them to partake … continue with courage to speak your truth!!

  2. Alix Moore says:

    Thank you for how you said that. That is my desire for this space: to be a witness, a beacon, and a bridge for others journeying as Spirit-in-a-body on the planet at this time. And what a journey that is.

  3. Pat Cegan says:

    May I hold this mirror up for you? The Alix I met a week ago is literally a Beloved Soul, a part of our Creator, perfect in every way. She loves enough to take pen in hand and allow our Creator to speak to us through her words, to encourage us to be who we really are and not who we have been told we were. Alix sees past our struggles and into our Lovingness and knows how deep our Oneness goes. She is wise, tender, strong, ready to laugh, cry, sing, run through the grass and make love with abandon and delight. Throw away that other mirror that makes you think you are egocentric and not quite good enough. It is simply not true. Alix, you could not write as you do if you were not part of the Divine.

  4. Alix Moore says:

    So Pat, a challenge and a question for you. Can you see how my post and your comment are both in the exact same moment true?
    This is an interesting conversation. Your turn.
    Much love,

  5. Pat Cegan says:

    Of course. Its the old duality game. While I apprecite the idea of needing polarity in order to give choice (otherwise, Creator is making clones…not as much fun), these days, as I want to create a reality of Light and Love, I focus on that which sparkles, makes me laugh, or is filled with chocolate. 🙂 There are too many ways that we get the darkness without giving it to each other. Where we put our focus becomes our reality. I still see you as a woman of courage. Ball’s in your court. hugs, pat

  6. Alix Moore says:

    Well, I do appreciate the vision, and it does feel true. I am brave in many ways. That doesn’t negate the fact that I have work to do on my journey to Spirit. Here’s how I see it.

    I believe we all have lessons to learn and that we are here in this lifetime to learn and grow. One way that I personally know that there is something I need to heal is when an event, comment, person “lights me up.” When my response is pain, that says to me, “Ahhh, here is a place for you to heal.”

    I have released sooo much of my ego body pain on this journey. Invalidation, however, still lurks in the nooks and crannies and invites me to root it out completely.
    Much love,

    • Pat Cegan says:

      OK, I will give an almost serious response. I agree that watching what makes us feel uncomfortable can reveal tender areas. I also agree that we are here to learn life lessons, the main one being to love unconditionally. These days I am creating a reality where I can be joyous, playful, loving, and learn lessons without suffering (suffering being different from pain). To this objective, I prefer to be with people who are loving and supportative, who make me believe in myself and in others. I also am kinder to myself as I can be very judgemental and hard on myself. We each are in our own “school,” and must be loving enough to let the other experience the world as one needs to do for what our soul must accomplish. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and allowing me to share mine. If my response seemed frivilous, remember Shakespear said, “Many a true thing has been said in jest!” monkey kisses coming your way! pat

  7. Alix Moore says:

    Interesting thought–that the highest lesson of all is unconditional love. And,–amusement is always invited here! Hmmm, suddenly I see you in bells and motley. That was YOU in the 1300’s, wasn’t it? And I, I was both the damsel and the chevalier.

    • Pat Cegan says:

      And I, I was both the damsel and the chevalier.

      Are you repeating these roles in this life? Bells and motley still wear well with me. And, I too, can ride the steed of the chevalier. Life is fun….or it should be if we didn’t make it so complicated. hugs, pat

  8. Alix Moore says:

    Ohh, maybe I was the HORSE.

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