How Can I Fix You–if You Aren’t Broken?

As a healer and lightworker, I have spent a tremendous amount of energy in years past trying to help people who seemed to me to need help. From my very earliest memories of playing mediator in my family of birth, to taking a series of lame ducks under my wing even when I was still in elementary school, to more adult manifestations such as giving advice to friends: When I saw pain or suffering, I immediately moved in to try to fix it.

As I have stepped into conscious awareness, several things have become clear. I have come to understand that pain, fear, anger, and suffering are experiences that we create at a Spirit level to help us learn and grow.  It’s quite likely that by trying to fix things for my friends, that I have actually gotten in the way of their spiritual growth by clearing up messes that they had created to help themselves grow.

Still, as a healer, the pain of those around me is often difficult to experience. Unless I am absolutely centered in my own space, their pain becomes my pain, or at least my discomfort. And my urge to fix it is partly motivated by my desire to not have to experience those uncomfortable emotions.

Releasing the urge to fix things is an ongoing lesson for me. It helps when people try to fix me, which they occasionally do, and I don’t like it one bit! Offering to fix things for another is at its core invalidation–it sends the spirit level message of “I’m going to help you with this because I don’t believe you are capable of resolving it by yourself.” We may not be conscious that that is the message we are sending, but it is there nonetheless.

This exchange of unconscious messages was brought home to me a few days ago as I watched a teacher I know deliver a little gift to a colleague. The energy I saw beneath that exchange was invalidation, and it prompted the poem below.

Little Gifts


When you give me

Those little gifts,

As you do so often,

(Unasked and unexpected)

I am grateful,



I wonder,

When you look at me

What is the hole you see

That you think that you must fill for me?

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3 Responses to How Can I Fix You–if You Aren’t Broken?

  1. Pat Cegan says:

    The gift is for the giver! Perfect poem for a difficult lesson. I have been a volunteer for many years and constantly struggle with the issue of “helping.” Powerful lesson indeed and one with many layers. Wonderful topic to introduce here, Alix. I love your willingness to expose your belly! Keep speaking and writing your truth. It will heal you and help us! Hugs, pat

  2. Becca Givens says:

    Alix – I can say – this piece resonated with me … and gave me a totally different perspective to “my gift giving!” I love to give gifts – for the sheer pleasure of giving, and at times, to ease the burden of another or “treat” another to something special … but perhaps I have been sending the wrong messages and / or at the wrong time. Thank you for heightening my awareness!! Please continue ~~~

    • Alix Moore says:

      Hi Ladies,
      I’m glad this piece resonated with you both. This has been a core lesson for me, one that I have revisited over and over, not just with gifts but in many ways.

      Becca, there are many possible energies attached to the gifts you give. You may want to look at the energy beneath any particular gift you give, and decide for yourself if it feels right or not. I believe you have the wisdom to see your own motivation, and go on from there. My post is just one possible truth.

      Pat, I would say that my belly is yours any time, except that I feel that statement might be open to misinterpretation!

      Love and light,

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