The Energy of Seeking Validation

What’s really going on when we ask others to validate our work?  When we wait for those comments: “You’re a really great writer,” or, “I love your site! You have such a great style.”


I looked at validation-seeking today in the meditation space. I put up a rose to represent my validation-seeking tendencies.  I saw a small, tight, pink bud, and the first thing I noticed was the streamers of energy this rose was sending out.  It was saying, “See me!” “Notice me!” “I am a leader—why isn’t anybody following me?” There were dozens of tendrils of energy reaching out from this rose of me, looking to hook onto someone else’s space and trying to pull back to itself the energy of love, admiration, and being valued. This rose was not blossoming—it was holding tight to the energy it had, with a kind of desperation.

As I looked more deeply into this rose, I saw that its center was black. This blackness contained little me’s of many ages. As I watched it, I could see the times I ran after my parents, wanting them to see the real me. I saw myself in dozens of ages and times when other people had judged me and I had accepted their opinions as truth.

I also saw that this picture was, for me, an old truth, one that I have largely cleaned up and worked through. As I learn my spirit lessons, I embrace and value and own myself. Your reaction to me is simply your reaction, and you are welcome to have it.

When I look at the rose of me standing in my own certainty, knowing my own worth, and no longer asking anyone else to corroborate me, a huge new rose blasts across my screen, fragmenting the old one into shards of dust. This rose of my certainty is open wide, many-petaled, and gloriously safe.

The kicker is this: every time I post something, I have to remember which rose I am.

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4 Responses to The Energy of Seeking Validation

  1. Pat Cegan says:

    Well, once again your punch line leaves me laughing. It is good and noble, these ideas, but often when all is said and done, we still need to be loved, petted and valued. I thought about you as I went to the school today bolstered with your poem. That lasted about 3 minutes in the explosion that is called a classroom. I came home vowing never to go again. It felt like I was a maximum security prison guard and the only people there with guns were the prisoners. So, all of our good intentions can be just that…intentions! Once more I see that I am wearing spiritual diapers and have a long way to go. Both roses are us! Let’s hold hands and keep trying. Thanks for the laugh. hugs, pat

  2. Alix Moore says:

    Hi Pat,
    What I find is that we often learn our spirit lessons first with our mind (therefore the good intentions), but that, until we learn the lessons with our whole entire being, they remain in the realm of “should,” and “supposed to.” Once we truly embody our lessons, we just are, and we’re solid–we don’t have to intend it anymore because we own it.
    Sunshine on your day,

    • Pat Cegan says:

      Well, as I keep getting spiral lessons, guess I am still in the “good intention” stage. But I am learning a whole lot these days so that is the good news. Thanks for being thought provoking. Hugs, pat

      Rain seems to have stopped so now my days do have lots of sunshine!

  3. Alix Moore says:

    Ahh, Alix, you are forgetting to validate your own posts! Why is that?
    About this journey, I am just wondering: what will life look like in the 5th dimension, when we will no longer need wounding to teach us?
    All my love,

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